A year since LA

 What a crazy ride this last year has been. A year ago today, at this time, we were arriving in LA. We left our kids with my mom and flew to Los Angeles where in just a couple of days I was to go through a 12-hour surgery to hopefully save my right leg and pelvis. 

Little did we know at the time that a lot was about to deviate from the original plan and due to complications, a second surgery would be done with very unexpected results. 

 

Leaving the kids was the hardest thing ever. Being away for a month, longer than I’d ever been away from them and being unsure if I’d even get to go back to them. 

 

Part of me wanted to bring the kids with me in the just case scenario that things went really wrong. I wanted to spend every second I could with them. However, trying to think on the bright side that everything would go as planned, I didn’t want to have them with to see the hardship I’d have to face with healing. Plus, kids being kids, they don’t understand healing the way adults do. Lots of down time, quiet and boring, is needed for most of the day. The argument between my head and my heart when it comes to the kids was so hard on me. Honestly, it still is today.

 

Every decision I make essentially comes back to that same argument. Every decision comes down to how can I be here, without hurting the kids, but hopefully living the longest and best I can for them. 

 

It seems so surreal to look back on this year. So much has happened. Lots of good, some bad, but with lots of growth happening for the better. I find it hard to imagine me in a time where I didn’t have this pesky cancer to deal with or think about. 

 

In reality it’s only been since April of 2020 that I’ve known about it and yet, it feels like an eternity. Already, it’s been a year since we traveled across the country into unknown territory. We had no clue what to expect. Really we didn’t because everything that was suppose to happen, didn’t. So we had to go with the flow. 

 

The flow blessed us to this day. Another December 26th that we get to see together as a family. I am alive. Here, living life with my loved ones. So amazing that all that uncertainty last year on this date is technically still here but that I’m here to still have that uncertainty. 

 

I’ll take it with a smile because looking back I realize that a year ago, I didn’t think I’d see this date again. Yet, here I am. Though my scans still show spread/growth, I feel great. That has to count for something. A lot of something. Because I know some people in my situation aren’t so lucky. 

 

I really wish I could allow people the gift of looking through my eyes. Or anyone’s in this situation. So they could understand what I feel, think, and go through. How extremely unimportant 90% of things in our lives are. And appreciating the 10% that does matter with everything you have. 

 

Where were you a year ago? Has your life gotten better? Good. Worse? Why? Stayed the same? Change it. Life’s too short to live unhappily. Life’s too short to stay the same for a whole year… change, grow, experience. Life’s too short to not LIVE. So get out there, push your comfort zone, and LIVE.