New Beginnings

After some self reflection and a lot of thought on the subject, (deciding to dissolve my Facebook group for my health) I've realized that though I want to share my entire journey with everyone, not everyone is ready for that. Most people can't handle the raw truth of growth, nor are they meant to.

I wasn't sure dissolving the Facebook group was the right choice or I did it for the right reasons so I decided to sit with it and see how it felt not having one. At first, I was upset and didn't like that I had gotten rid of it. Primarily, because I was originally upset as to WHY I felt I had to dissolve it. Because some people were getting butthurt by my feelings. That is their right to express them, however, that was my page where I thought people understood and accepted that as MY safe place to share everything.

 

After I started to express my feelings towards a "soft spot" in our family it was taken out of context, in my opinion, and instead looked at, not as growth, but as targeting others in anger. That was never my intention. It was just me having realizations and expressing those. It doesn't make the situation or feelings about the situation any less true. I think that's partially why the comments were made about my writings anyway, because there was the sting of truth to what I said. It wasn't made to intentionally make anyone feel bad but still doesn't make what I said less true.

 

So, I realized that just because I WANT to share this with EVERYONE, for my own protection and theirs, it was indeed the right time to dissolve the group. I was so grateful for everyone who was there with me during all of this but now it's time for me to continue my journey only with those that truly care. Care enough to check in, to read this here on the blog page, to reach out and ask. The information and updates won't just be readily available to everyone like they were.

 

I think part of me, deep deep down, didn't want to accept that there would be people that I love and care about who simply WON'T check in on me so I made all the information so easy for them. So there was no excuse on their part to not know what was going on. It's time for me to move on with acceptance that not everyone I love is meant to be in my life or in my journey.

 

That's such a hard concept when you sit and think about it. In the end though, what's in front of you? Who IS in your life? Who IS trying? Who DOES deserve your time? They'll make it known. Those that don't will fall by the wayside.

 

This moment. Right now. Realizing who will move forward with me and who won't is so powerful. I have moved into understanding so there is no anger, frustration, bitterness, or hate. Only understanding and acceptance. This is an amazing feeling. Feeling it with love and compassion instead of the negative counterparts. I can step into this new light, this new me, with openness, and it feels fantastic. Because I love myself enough to move forward without those I thought I'd take with me, and enough understanding and love for them to accept their decisions for their own life and what's right for them, this is possible.

 

I feel like a new me is being born. A phoenix from the ashes. I will arise stronger, better, braver, and most of all, more loving than ever before. More loving to myself who deserves my utmost respect and time. More loving to others and accepting of their life paths. I feel renewed.