Disbelief

Wow! I’m in utter disbelief lately. By a few things. The first I’ve touched base on a bit before in previous posts but I haven’t felt this good in years. So how, just how, is this my life!? How can I have cancer and yet, feel this good?

I’m sleeping well, have loads of energy, and just have a general sense of well-being overall. My mind still can’t get wrapped around this. I suppose it just goes to show you how crazy cancer/illness can be. Our bodies are incredible!!

 

The second thing is the over pouring of love I received on Friday at the benefit. So incredible to see so many people. It was just a very surreal moment. Very humbling and like I’ve said before, full circle.

 

So many years of feeling unloved followed by proof of overwhelming love. Such a beautiful thing to happen.

 

One thing I noticed, after someone pointed it out to me… where’s your family? They asked. I looked around realized only three blood family members were there. My mom, my brother, and my cousin.

 

Now, I thoroughly understand people have lives. I understand I am not everyone’s top priority nor do I reciprocate some traction in a relationship with some people. However, people do MAKE time for those they care about and things they WANT to do. If they wanted to get to a football game they’d make time. Whether that’s taking off work, finding a sitter, rescheduling shit, etc. Some people I know that are blood related and wanted to be there but couldn’t be, messaged me to let me know. Support comes in all forms but those family members make it known they care outside of benefits or such things.

 

By the end of the night, it was (as it has been multiple times before) blatantly clear who my “family” is. I know exactly who’s going to be there in a pinch, good days, bad days, and in between days. Just like I’m sure you have those people in your life.

 

I’m not sure why we put so much emphasis on blood relations. They owe you nothing. They didn’t choose you for their life path.

 

My family (blood or not) I got to choose. And that’s such an amazing thing. Most of the people in that room on Friday were other people’s blood relatives, not my own. And that’s ok. I know damn well if I call one of my blood family members for help odds are they’re not going to be there but on the flip side would I be there for them? I’d likely help because it’s my nature but in all honesty it would feel extremely awkward.

 

I guess the point is, it was another cool reminder that you don’t have to be blood to be family or to be loved. There were so many people there willing to help me because they love someone I chose to be my family. Those are my kind of people. Because if one of my chosen family members said hey, this person I care about deeply and I need your help, you bet your ass I’d drop shit to be there.

 

We’re a team unlike any other. I am still in complete disbelief at the amount of support and love that filled the room on Friday. You’re amazing people and I’m so happy to have you in my daily life and/or know you because of the people I love.

 

Let’s stop putting so much energy into caring that blood relatives  should do this or that for you. Let them learn their lessons, achieve, regret, live their life, and you live yours. You’ll find your family. Your real family.

 

Thank you, you know who you all are.