Decisions Again

 Life got crazy. Covid hit our house, my scans showed growth. Which means decisions need to be made. We did sign up for Conner's Clinic up by the cities. I've been on that protocol for about a week now. I fee very good on it and about it. My gut says this is the right choice. My brain keeps "what if-ing" however, so I don't know if I should add in some western medicine, too?

We had an appointment at the big hospital with my "team" and they didn't have much for me. Three different chemotherapies that I refused. They had one trial but it's the trial a sarcoma friend of mine lost her life to so I do not feel OK doing it.

 

I talked a bit with one of the doctors in California and he had about five trials for me but that would mean a lot of traveling again and likely, isolation on my part. Though I feel more confident with his options, I wonder if I should do it at all.

 

This is one of the hardest parts to this journey. Decisions. Ones I truly don't want to make. If you make the wrong choice… Me and those I love will pay the price. However, I could EVERYTHING and still end up with the same result so it is not easy.

 

I feel very good so the idea of subjecting myself to any chemo seems ridiculous. How can I put myself through pain and anguish when I feel the best I've felt in many years?

 

Conner's Clinic did some tests on me and decided that my cause for this is primarily hormones and toxins from vaccines. Which knowing my body and the issues I've had in my life, seems accurate. They started me on some supplements, a new diet to follow, I do a rife machine nightly (and some in the day if I have time), a detoxifying foot bath, then I have a lot of smaller exercises to do. They include singing, gargling water, gagging, and doing a PEMF machine. Again, no coincidences, I met a gal through a friend who happens to do PEMF.

 

Another interesting thing happened that I believe will help me. My moms boyfriend went to Peru with two friends and his daughter. They climbed Machupicchu, and on their decent they passed an area that the guide said was a sacred spiritual ritual area. They asked to do the ritual to which the guide said they don't usually get asked to do, but he was willing. They did the ritual (I still don't have all the details on what it consisted of) and one of their requests/prayers was for my healing. When my mom called to tell me about this, I bawled. I was so grateful and amazed that these people (two of which I've never met) would do this for me. It was so powerful and full of love that it just filled me with so much emotions I couldn't contain it.

 

I know I use the term "full-circle" a lot, but this was again, a full-circle moment for me. It's no secret that my moms boyfriend and I haven't and don't always get along the best. We have different views on life but both have strong personalities, too. So the fact that he would, along with the others, do this spiritual thing for me was such a heart-felt moment for me. It really helped me feel whole.

 

I've noticed a big change in my mentality and behavior lately. I feel like I'm right where I'm suppose to be and I've been enjoying the kids, outdoors, and life in general more. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me in certain terms. Like everyone on earth is equal and we're all on our own journey's. I can't save anyone no matter how hard I want to because it is not up to me to do that. It's all God's timing. The only way I can help others is to live and lead by example. If those around me wish to help themselves, they will. If not, I love them still, and hope when the time is right for them, they seize it. If they choose not to, they'll have another chance in another time or life.

 

We're all drifters, searching for our own answers and lessons to learn.