Signs

I know what you all must be thinking with me turning down chemo. I’m sure it sounds nuts. But hear me out for a second. First, if I’m not meant to live longer than I’m just not. I can’t spend my days miserably sick from chemo, I want to enjoy my days. Two, I’m seeing and feeling signs like crazy. I keep asking for them and keep receiving them.

My first was the other night. We prayed as a family and I asked god to show me a path. Not even an hour later I had a message from a girl I know. We’ve only met once but she was the sweetest and funniest. She messaged asking if I’d heard of the thing I’m trying now (hadn’t yet started trying it) and most people don’t know about this. The next day I started with it and super euphoric feeling. It was a very close feeling to the one in LA. Like I was super charged with warmth, love, happiness, like I was going to be ok.

 

We decided to get some vitamins I was out of and last minute we changed the destination for them. Once we got there it popped into my head again, the decisions I wanted to make, and I saw 888 everywhere. In angel numbers (signs from your higher self/universe/God) which means balance-everything is falling into place.

 

Then I started looking into tons of options and got that “horoscope” talking about choices and by analyzing instead of FEELING IT you’re moving away from your soul.

 

The fourth, I again asked for a sign to make sure my choices today were “right.” My day after my appt went to complete shit. I was now unable to do the zoom calls with other clinics for specific things I wanted to try so I canceled them (Leaving the choice I’m doing THEE one).

 

The latest after asking again for a sign (I know I keep asking but I’m terrified to fail at this point), and minutes later I asked my friends to do some research for me. Amber came back with three places close by that offer integrative medicine. The one I had researched the other night and thought was in a far away state, was on her list. So I got excited, looked it up and boom, one of their treatments is the same weird thing I’m doing now. I was so thrilled, looked up and smiled and thanked God.

 

Following your intuition isn’t always the easiest choice. Learning to trust your body is so hard because we’re taught to THINK instead of FEEL.

 

So, I’m going to keep rolling with it! Hang on tight.

 

PS: I’m going to start being way more direct about I need. One thing is-you all know I love to help and there for ppl, it fills my cup and I will continue to do that. However, if you’re going to vent/complain and take zero advice (whether it’s your own, mine, others) and attempt zero changes, please keep it to yourself. I can’t take any more negativity right now. I’m finally reaching towards my fighting with love and positivity mindset that I need to be in. I’m more than willing to help listen/problem solve but not if you’re going to continuously bring me problems (usually the same ones repeatedly) that you put zero effort into fixing). We’re ALL guilty of doing that in life but I can’t fight your battles right now, too. Going to try out focusing on myself more than others for a change. I still love you all very much but as I said I can’t fight other battles right now.