Erich

 Erich passed away last night. His beautiful wife, Janet, informed me this evening.

I’m struggling to find the right words to express how I feel. I'm struggling to even know how I feel. I knew this moment was coming. I had been getting updates but still, nothing really prepares you for the news. That moment just hits you in the gut.

 

I've seen a lot of death. The sting of loss never comes easy, even when, like in Erich's case, you know it's coming. I thought I had more time. I suppose we always think that, don't we?

 

Now that I've changed how I think about things, death seems different for me. Though it still hurts, though I'm still crying, grieving… I feel a sense of peace. His energy is still here. Just not trapped within the limitations of his earthly body. His pain is gone. He's back from his origin and now instead all around us.

 

I find comfort in knowing he had everything he ever wanted when he passed. You see, when we first met and we discussed our prognosis, I asked him if he had any regrets or things that he would have done if he had more time. He said he wished he had a family of his own/the love of his life. So many nights I prayed and prayed that he be given the one thing he truly wanted; a true love.

 

I knew about Janet early on. She was one of his nurses at the other hospital (not Mayo) that he went to. She had been his nurse for some time. She had a boyfriend but Erich was very infatuated with her. Somehow the stars aligned last fall and they became inseparable. I remember getting his text saying that she had messaged him. I urged him to take his shot. He doubted himself but I kept telling him, love knows no bounds, she knew his situation. By March, they were married. A whirlwind romance that by all accounts wouldn't have been. And yet, it did. So, knowing that he got the very thing that made his life and heart complete brings me comfort. 

 

I feel partially numb, but that's the limiting human part of me. My heart hurts knowing I can't reach out to him for advice or understanding. I lost a friend and now won't ever be able to visit him, hear his voice, or see his name pop up on my phone. It's surreal. I'm so saddened knowing he's not here physically for me to see. My heart hurts for Linda who lost a son, Janet who lost a new husband; something neither of them should have had to experience.

 

But I know that God knows what he's doing. Or I wouldn't have met him. And he wouldn't have met Janet. I needed him. I needed a friend in my life who understood. He needed love, real love. We both got those things.

 

Will I ever understand why he had to leave us so early? Probably not. But I know that we are here to learn lessons. When we don't learn those lessons, we come back and do it again to learn what we didn't the time before until we reach the point that we are really ready for Heaven. That's what I believe anyway.

 

Maybe his passing is for me to live fully. Maybe it's for his wife for now she knows true unconditional love and the way she should always be treated by a man. Maybe it's for his mom to see just how loving and strong and caring her son was even in the end. Again, I'll never know but I can guess and those are just a few that I can think of.

 

I pray his family finds strength and comfort. I pray they know this world is beautiful even in these moments where it might seem cruel. Our souls are light, love, energy… they never go away, just recycle. I hope they still feel his presence with them.

 

So, while I cry and process the loss of my friend in this realm, I know whenever I hear certain songs he will be with me. Songs seem to be the way I get most of my messages it seems. I will never delete his messages so his advice will always guide me. I will live every day with love in my heart, positivity in my mind, and adventure in my soul.

 

Erich, you are so loved. Thank you for being an amazing friend to me when I felt so alone. Thank you for always bringing a new perspective to the table and always encouraging me and cheering me on. You will live on in the hearts of many and will never be forgotten.

 

Until we meet again my friend.