Ok, I get it

 I feel like the universe is yelling at me. 

In the last couple of weeks, multiple people have pointed out the same “flaw” I have, plus I’ve seen the topic on a tv show, on an app, and a YouTube video so I’m going to take them all as signs to change it.

 

I’m not sure how I’m going to change it but I will definitely put effort into it. Though I fear this change because it’s going to go against what my natural instincts tell me.

 

I know I do this but I haven’t always viewed it as a bad thing, most of the time. Sometimes, yes, I know it isn’t right but by the time I realize it’s bad, it’s too late.

 

My brother brought it up again today. I have a tendency to help people a lot but sometimes at the expense of myself.

 

I’m always up for helping others, it “fills my cup” so to speak. It brings me happiness. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But, I need to learn to draw lines in the sand with certain people who know this about me and thus, take advantage of that fact.

 

There are definitely a few people in my life who know this about me and take it but then don’t give the same amount back. So there’s a boundary that needs to be laid out. I’m going to work hard at still helping people but making sure I have boundaries.

 

I need to learn to not exhaust myself in areas of my life where I’m not getting anything back or far less than what I give. There are plenty of people in my life who give just as much back to me as I give to them.

 

So my focus needs to be on those people and not people who only want me around at their own convenience.

 

However, obviously, it’s not their fault that I choose to help/give and just expect it back. Maybe my expectations are too high? But like I said, they know this about me thus it feels like they’re purposefully taking advantage?

 

Anyway, I want the universe to know I’m going to address it and that I’m not ignoring all the signs that being thrown at me. I’ll be evaluating some relationships and working on them.

 

It’s hard but looking back at some friendships I’ve had it’s crazy to think how hard I’ve tried to please them or be there than looking at how often they reciprocated… like why don’t/didn't I notice it at the time? Sometimes I noticed it at the time and just let it happen…

 

Now that I’m learning self-worth I know I can’t keep it up. It’s not fair to me. I deserve more than your occasional friendship, more than the taken from but never receives… now I just need to remind myself that it’s ok to say, “no” and not have to explain myself. Ughhhh

 

Also, I’m not sure if it’s the gloomy weather or what but I just feel lost right now. I don’t feel anxious but I feel sad, empty like my light is out right now. I hope things are ok with everyone in my life. I personally at the moment can’t find a reason for this feeling I’m having.

 

Today has been a weird struggle because I can’t place what’s wrong. It’s like after losing a pet and you can’t cry anymore so you’re just that sad, tingly-numb sensation.

 

I need some sunshine for sure. I need to get crafting. I have everything to revamp our shed so it can be my crafting area. Just need some nice weather to get it painted and accessorized. I’m pretty excited to have my own peaceful space. I started making some more and some new products to post on my Secrets of a Sunflower page. It’s been very hard to get time to do any crafting with the kids constantly at my hip.

 

Normally, if/when I craft I need a quiet or at least peaceful atmosphere to do which I don’t get very often. Especially with the kids not in school. They’ve gotten so used to being with me every second of the day. I feel like I think for the most of the time so starting Thursday we’re going to start a new routine.

 

They’re very much capable of thinking and doing things for themselves. They know how to cook, do laundry, clean, etc so I know they can give me a couple hours a day to do stuff I want/need. We’re going to practice some independence around here.

 

Wish me luck!