Makes Sense

Well, now I know exactly why I’m so unnaturally worked up today.

 

The universe was letting me know someone I care about is hurting hard. The moment he told me, "Hospice is on. They think I've got 1-3 months before my liver fails" it all made sense. My muscles immediately relaxed as if the cosmos were like "there, you know now." But then, my heart shattered instead.

 

Sometimes this world is so damn beautiful and other times, it's a cruel, cold bitch. I can't quite swallow this. I keep holding back tears. It's so surreal because he's here NOW, so it seems impossible to know that he won't be. It's not like he's in a car accident and just abruptly not here. He has to go through his days knowing literally any moment he may just drift to sleep and not wake up again in the morning.

 

Doctors are predicting his death. Erich had to hear today that he only has roughly one to three months to live. A doctor had to say those words to him and he had to hear them. Try to sit and imagine that being said to you or you saying that to another human being…

 

THIS, THIS RIGHT HERE is WHY I get so upset with the people in my life that are choosing not to even try to better themselves. You're just taking life and yourself for granted. It seems so selfish when there are people going through this and you're just looking the other way.

 

I suppose I'm selfish, too. Because this news means a lot of things. Not just for him but for me. So I'm swarmed with emotions. I'm thinking how he must feel… plus how I feel… I won't have him anymore. No more Erich to vent or relate to. No more dark humor between us or wise words of advice.  This is my same kind of cancer and this could be my fate at any moment as well. It's such a harsh realization.

 

FUCK!!!!!!

 

I knew from the moment I met him that his fate was sealed but a part of me thought and hoped that something would change. There would be something that swooped in and changed his fate. He won't even see 40. This isn't fair.

 

Stop looking the other way. Yes, it's hard, and it hurts, but look at it, digest it, and change yourself for those who would give ANYTHING to go back and have the opportunity to change themselves and avoid this fate. Try harder. Stop making BS excuses.

 

Remember these things: Every day is a gift. No, you'll never be perfect BUT every day find a new way to better yourself mentally, emotionally, physically… Find new ways to help your fellow man-kind. Jobs will replace you, family/friends will not. Money is paper and is far more unimportant than the people in your life. If you have money, do something good with it! If you don't have money, don't sweat it because people who have it aren't any more or less happy.

 

I'm putting today to bed. Again, the universe makes today a hard but significant day. Another reason I'll never forget it.