Trial and Error

 Finally, I’m starting to feel ok from chemo. More energy, less nausea, all good things.

 

I’ve been spending the energy I do have on trying to get some stuff made for Secrets of a Sunflower in hopes to not only have at least some income coming from me and to help fund sarcoma research.

 

My first try with a bulk project didn’t go so well. So that was frustrating but that’s why I did that trial run to begin with.

 

I wasn’t sure how some of the candle molds would work and honestly some didn’t. Period. So, I moved on to another project that flopped, too.

 

Needless to say, I didn’t expect so many hiccups, but I know I’ll get there and figure it out. I’m pretty excited to get it up and going. I feel really good about doing this and hope that it runs the way I envision it.

 

I had my first Sarcoma Support Group zoom meeting with those from my page that wanted to join. I really enjoyed that. It was amazing to hear everyone’s stories. They’re all so different.

 

Not only are their stories so different but so are their attitudes towards it. Some are so upbeat and positive. Others seem riddled with worry or after their many reoccurrences, cynical. I can relate to them all as I feel I’ve been all of those emotions towards Bertha.

 

It’s really exciting to know I’m not alone and there are so many other people feeling like me. Frustrated with “popular” cancers. Scanxiety. Fear of people knowing you have cancer. Scared for their children. Pissed about cancer during a pandemic. Saddened and angered by the lack of treatment choices or facilities to receive treatments at. Overwhelmed by “what ifs.”

 

My one friend and I use to try to things together all the time. Try to lose weight, quit smoking, exercise, etc.… but now, because of cancer, I do most things alone. That’s been really hard for me. I didn’t and haven’t had someone to go through these life events with like that.

 

It was always nice to know we both were trying hard for a big goal. Someone to vent to when you had a rough day and had to start over. But cancer, I couldn’t just text her and be like, “started chemo today, how about you?”

 

But then I met my friend, Erich, who also has myxoid liposarcoma. He talked me through my darkest days. We would check in with each other when we’d start chemo, we’d discuss options, and vent to each other when we felt like shit. That’s why I wanted to start the Sarcoma Support Group. To connect with others. So, they’re not alone.

 

There are lots of sarcoma groups for treatment discussions and advice on surgeons but none for mental health or connectivity like that. So, I’m very glad there are others out there that also want to talk about the craziness that is a sarcoma.

 

Though the meeting went great, zoom only gave us 40 minutes before it ended it and with a group discussion like that, we definitely needed more time. So, I’m going to try other platforms in the future.

 

I’m also getting ready to leave for Chicago. I plan to leave Monday and stay two nights. My appointment is Tuesday afternoon and then we will come back Wednesday. Just in time for my daughter’s birthday on Thursday.

 

I’m excited to meet Dr. Pollack and hear about his trials. I hope I’m eligible for at least one of them. I just think that one of these trials is going to be “it,” like a really good thing in the world of sarcoma. Maybe I’m being too hopeful or naïve, but I have a good feeling about it and I’m excited to learn more about it.

 

One last thing, a question for you all… as an outsider, what kind of gifts would you want to give to someone with cancer?