After Surgery

 After surgery and being home a bit now I’m realizing some things besides the obvious fact that my abs and ass are sore. I still have pain and soreness. 

Mainly directly in my pelvis, not where my incisions are but where the tumor removal was performed, and one spot on the ride side of the lower spine. I’m guessing where they needed to shave down bone. 

The painful numbness still comes and goes. Primarily in the tip of my big toe, right behind but below the back of my knee, and just below my right buttcheek on the back of my thigh. It comes and goes based on too much of one thing. Laying too long, sitting too long, and/or standing too long. It’s a hot, prickling feeling and painfully numb was the only thing that made sense. Kind of like after a body part falls asleep and is trying to wake back up but in very targeted spots. I also have legit numbness on my lower stomach by my c-sections. I have since my c-sections but now it’s just a bigger area there and now in the crease of my right leg to some of the inner top portion of my thigh. 

My leg is definitely weak. I can walk. Sometimes even normally. Though sometimes it’s a slight limp as I need to add extra “oomph” while I’m walking and going up/downstairs. Stairs cause me to be careful and calculated or at times Derek will help to steady me so I can climb them more stably. However, it seems that when I walk, my foot is pointed straight. I’ve almost always had kind of a pregnancy waddle walk where my feet pointed out a bit. I’m going to watch more to see if this is in my head or not but I’ve noticed a few times I’m walking with different stature. Interesting? 

My leg also doesn’t have the full range of motion. It’s apparent there is stiffness in my pelvis. I can’t rest my right foot on my left knee to put my sock/shoe on or barely hold it up to get it on. Something so simple we take for granted. I do get it on myself but it sometimes takes a couple tries and it looks ridiculous I imagine. So bending my knee with the knee out as you would sitting Indian style is something I can’t do at all. Lifting my right leg alone I can’t do very far nor very long at all. I understand surgery wasn’t that long ago and it might get better yet but as hard as it is to do the movements I think it might be a long-term effect to some degree. 

Sleeping is still an issue but when hasn’t it been? I really can’t remember the last time. Although I feel like some nights are getting better. I’ve been trying to get into a better routine to help adjust/correct my bad sleeping habits. This being said, it’s 2:28 am as I write this. Haha. Also, I can now fully lay on my right side again! Yay! But if I fall asleep and stay there too long I end up with some pain. But OH to lay on my side again! 

My energy is slowly starting to return and I did finally cook a meal granted it was a crockpot meal but hey let’s not judge. After my little outburst, Derek very kindly set the kitchen right because it bothered me so badly. I also apologized for that breakdown but sometimes there’s just a disconnect and people don’t understand it’s the little things that set a person off with anxiety. So him fixing those few little things in the kitchen helped tremendously settle my nerves after my meltdown. 

Something I find interesting now that I’m back and starting to doctor back at Mayo is now all of a sudden people WANT to see me. The original drug oncologist I’ve never met only dealt with his PA, Amy. Now, he wants to see me in person and talk to me. My radiation oncologist who after 1 visit shoved me off onto her PA, Dr. Gao, now after treatment and has no reason to see me again wants to talk with me. Her right-hand lady, Sarah, the RN called and asked if I’d be willing to just speak with them and that they wanted to hear more about my story in LA. I find this interesting. I wonder which of them if not all plan to take credit for my pathology results. 

I really hope the pain/numbness isn’t a permanent thing. If it is, luckily, I have a high pain tolerance but it’s extremely annoying/frustrating. It’s just another reminder that things probably won’t be the same again. It’s likely my days in the medical field are over unless in time things really turn around? Not sure if they can though. 

My next personal goals as energy comes back is to slowly start working out my leg to hopefully strengthen and help range of motion, and delve deeper into myself to find some relaxation techniques to help loosen my body. I’m always so tense. How do I keep my body from constantly being tense and muscles tightened? I need to figure it out. I’m hoping to finish up coloring book pages, work on Dereks and my podcast. It’s been a fun thing for us to do together. I really love this new mutual hobby. 

I hope you all pick out a personal goal to set for yourselves and you keep pushing forward to better yourself and your life too. And please remember, don’t take anything for granted, your mental and physical health, your ability to communicate, your loved ones, any and everything. Be grateful. Be thankful.