Second Mayo Appointments

I went to Mayo today, one day after I was there all day getting an overwhelming amount of information shoved down my throat. 

I wasn't supposed to be there until the afternoon but Mayo called and requested to move my appointment up and said they wanted to cancel one of the other appointments with the surgeon. 

I met with my main chemotherapy doctor. I was so grateful for her today. I spent all last night crying, thinking about what life would mean for me without a leg. She said she hated how things were left yesterday and wanted to get me back in asap to go over things and talk with me about how I was feeling mentally/emotionally. I broke down into tears multiple times, mainly when I would talk about having to tell the kids about all of this and obviously about my fears of having to remove half of my pelvis and my entire leg. 

I told her I didn't understand how they could cut off a healthy leg and as of now, healthy pelvic bone. She explained how my tumor envelopes or grew around my major blood vessel into my leg so there would be no safe way to do surgery without ruining that vein in the process. 

Her next words were the silver lining I needed to hear… Though it's no guarantee, the tumor board met last night after hours and decided they thought the best treatment for me would be to not do any surgery and do chemotherapy and radiation to try to shrink the tumor, contain it, and hopefully kill it. Though it might still be inside me, it would be a ball of dead cells. We just had to hope that chemotherapy works on a tumor this large. This would save my leg. This is the new goal. 

Now, I feel much more optimistic. Though nothing is certain, I have the first line of defense that they feel they can do successfully. So, here's to hoping!

I spent over an hour just talking about my plan, my overall fears, and my fear of telling my kids with her. I thanked her over and over again. 

Going forward, I have to go back again on Monday and Tuesday. Monday I have one more scary test to pray for success with. They want to do an MRI of my entire bone structure to make sure it's not in or on any of them. After that, I will go down for an echocardiogram to check my heart to make sure that it can withstand the amount of chemo drugs they want to use. Tuesday I will get a port placed in my chest and soon after I should be able to start chemo.

Maybe I've jumped the gun but I already ordered some wraps to hide my scalp if I do end up losing hair. I bought a wig, too. Though it's not for certain it will happen I wanted to be prepared. Maybe it will be nice never having to brush my hair? Just plop on the wig and I'm good to go? Sounds low maintenance, right up my alley! 

On our way home we stopped to pick up the kids from my mom. I was determined to get it off my chest and tell them. My heart was pounding a million miles an hour but I needed to just do it as them knowing was eating me up inside and in four days I wouldn't be able to hide it anymore. A port would be permanently in my chest. As soon as we got home from picking them up my husband and I sat them down at the table and told them everything. From A to Z. The only catch? We didn't use scary words. Cancer was replaced by its actual name, myxoid liposarcoma. Chemotherapy and radiation were replaced with medications or treatments to avoid surgery. I even told them that it was a possibility to lose my leg. Overall, they responded very well. They asked a lot of questions. My sweet boy, I swear he will be some kind of inventor one day, asked "well, why can't they just take part of another vein or even a fake vein and just replace that piece to save your leg?" I told him that I had actually asked the doctor that earlier in the day. I mean, they can replace nearly anything, how can they not replace a chunk of a large blood vessel? I'm obviously not a surgeon so it's easier in theory than the reality of course. 

Today, was a hopeful day. I was glad it went the way it did. I hope I don't have false optimism but I feel good about the situation now and knowing now that my kids know everything makes this a lot easier on my mind. Now, my biggest hurdle is sleep. How can I sleep through the discomfort and pressure? I hope I can figure that out and stop sleeping in the recliner. 

I hope Monday's appointment goes well. I hope my bones are clear and I can remain hopeful that this plan of theirs will work. As of right now, I'm ready to get started and fight off this beast!