April fools day was no joke

I'm not quite sure what possessed me to make a doctor appointment this day. I suppose it was a combination of things. I was newly trying with my husband to get pregnant after his vasectomy reversal and I was a day late, I had an on-going sciatic/hip pain, and suspected that I had more endometriomas that needed removal. 

 

I had recently had the removal of an endometrioma from my abdominal wall in September of 2019. It was right under the skin and growing slowly but had grown enough to become painful. These lumps that I felt now were deeper, under the abdominal muscle. I hadn't paid much attention to them even after noticing them just one-month post-surgery for the removal of my other. My doctor had said if they aren't painful there isn't much to worry about and so I hadn't. 

 

I had been going on nearly a month of not sleeping normally. The sciatic/hip pain was excruciating at night. I could sleep for maybe an hour before I'd have to get up and walk around or apply ice or heat and take something for pain. I started seeing a chiropractor and a massage therapist roughly twice a week during that time. My thought was that I had hurt my back in January and maybe it caused some sort of muscle tension or strain. The chiropractor did an x-ray. It showed a curve in my spine indicating I had mild scoliosis. He explained this could cause my whole body to be "off." I hoped every visit would bring relief but it never did. After about a month I decided to see a doctor. They, too, thought simply a muscle issue and prescribed me muscle relaxers and to continue the icing and heating. 

 

I did this religiously which at times would dull the pain but never rid me of it. After another week I decided to make an appointment with the doctor in Baldwin that dealt with my endometrioma. Again, I couldn’t quite explain why. 

 

I told her I was there for a few reasons. Mainly, to address the seemingly more noticeable lumps in my lower right abdomen and also to address my muscle issue. She asked me a slew of questions then had me lay back to examine the lumps. As soon as she pressed where I indicated them to be it seared a hot pain. She acknowledged that she could feel them and helped me sit up and asked more questions. After I answered what seemed like a million little questions I explained that sometimes I get spasms inside me. She looked at me with curiosity and followed with, "In your abdomen?" I responded, "No, inside me, vaginally…" Her head cocked sideways and she gave me a concerned arched brow. 

 

And with that, something seemed to click and she said, "well, I need you send you to ultrasound. Like right now. And I want you to wait and come back to the room for the results." I nodded feeling at least satisfied that she was taking me seriously. I was exhausted and at wits end with the pain and not sleeping. 

 

Down in the ultrasound room I laid back as she piled on the blue jelly and placed the wand near my pubic bone. I thought this odd as this was not where my lumps were. She snapped a few pictures there, I told her my problem area was over to the right. She acknowledged me but continued to stay more towards the center of my abdomen. I asked her if she could see what I was talking about and she replied, "Yes, I can see something I just can't tell you what."

 

Next, she wanted an internal ultrasound. She asked me to go empty my bladder and come back for the second half. I went to the bathroom and pulled a gown around my waist and walked out preparing to be probed. I laid down on the exam table and inserted the wand. Again, she wasn't really looking where I knew these lumps to be. I knew then that something wasn't right but I didn't know what. She moved the wand far to the left and the pressure and pain were horrible. She kept apologizing to me and saying, "oh, I bet that does hurt. I'm so sorry." Snapping pictures as she probed. 

 

Afterward, I returned to the room, alone, waiting for the results. My side hurt so I decided to lay down on the bench by the office computer. The wait was quiet for the majority of the time. The lights timed out and I left them out while I waited. I began to hear voices in the hall outside the room but I couldn't make out exactly what was being said. Soon after, my doctor came in, surprised to see me laying down in the dark as the lights timed back on. She sat down and almost word vomited the information. "There is a lump in your pelvis causing your pain. It's 17.9 cm by 13.9 cm which is quite large. I'm sorry I'm telling you this so bluntly but there's no easy way to say what I'm saying so I'm just telling you." 

 

"How big is that?" I asked her, feeling confused. Why was she looking at me like that? Like an injured animal. 

 

She got out a measuring tape, one you'd use for material and measured it out. My jaw nearly hit the floor when I realized it was the size of a pork roast I'd make at home for my family of four.   

 

My first thought went to my kids and what this meant for me. As soon as I thought about having to tell my kids, my eyes welled up with tears and the doctors look, that look, intensified. I just wanted to get out of there. Fast. Stop looking at me like that!

 

She left the room to discuss it with the surgeon. I called my husband and my mom and just said, "It's not good." All while sobbing uncontrollably. The doctor came back in and I'm pretty sure I hung up on my mom. The doctor told me I'd be speaking with the surgeon to set up surgery. Surgery…that's where this story really begins!