Next Steps

 I will never look at a microwave the same again. Luckily, we rarely use ours but now every time I stick in some food to reheat I think of Bertha. It’s a morbid thought, I know, but I can’t help it. 

The doctors said 2-4 weeks after radiation I should be seeing the end of the side effects. It’s been almost two weeks and I feel like the side effects are at their peak. I’ve never known exhaustion like this. The closest was when I had Lymes Disease but even that was very different from this. I probably sleep 80% of my day right now. Being up an hour at a time seems to be a lot for me right now.

 My stomach issues might be starting to subside? At least I think so some days. Still, every time I eat anything my stomach and intestines cramp badly. So I’ve resulted in eating one larger meal a day because I’m sick of dealing with the awful cramping, twisting intentional pain. I’m hoping that ends soon. 

This week I’ll be booking a place to stay in LA. I’m starting to get nervous about this next step. I know that I am in good hands, I know God has plans for me, but I still can’t shake the fear from that last botched surgery. Waking up alone, things have gone very differently than planned. Scared and in shock that Bertha was much more than even the doctors suspected. I just can’t imagine feeling that close to death again and I’m not sure I can handle any more “surprises.” 

On the flip side, if this surgeon can really do what he thinks he can then I have the possibility of being cancer-free, even if for a short time. I might just get to be normal for a time again. Can you imagine? I can’t. There’s the possibility, the hope, that I might just get to go on with normal things again… After some healing, I could go back to work, I could do normal household stuff again without running out of breath, or wearing out and needing a nap. It’s just really a mind-blowing thought when I’ve spent the last (almost) year dedicating my time to cancer treatments and physical and mental pain. 

After we get a place to stay booked, the next step is finding flights, people to help with pets/kids/house, and next week I’ll have pre-op tests done at big Mayo. They have me scheduled for a full blood panel plus a hormonal blood test to see if my fertility was affected or not, and an EKG to check my heart. They need to make sure my heart could withstand a surgery that lasts this long. Hopefully, all of that comes back ok so there’s no delay in plans. 

Our plan is to leave on December 27, do some sightseeing with Derek's army buddy who happens to live just blocks from the hospital on the 28th, and get’r done on the 29th. Derek will stay with me until the 10th of January and mom will come out on the 9th to stay with me for the rest of the month. We thought this transition would be easiest on the kids. Celia really isn’t liking the idea of me being gone so long and cries when we talk about it. She really didn’t like the idea of Derek and I both being gone so being with grandma where she has her own little room and some normalcy will hopefully help her. We also rearranged and made her bedroom cozier so she will have a peaceful place at home to have while I’m gone. Wow, I’m really going to miss these kids. Just thinking about being away so long makes me tearful. I will just have to snuggle them extra now.